CONFESSIONS OF A HEART IN LOVE


I have been broken countless times and so, I do not fear getting hurt
Rather, I fear hurting you
Your heart is fragile and delicate
To be handled with care like a newborn babe
You're a good man and I don't want to break your heart.
You do not believe I have the capacity to ruin you;
But I really do.
Little things matter to you and I am yet to learn the art of looking in detail .

I'm yet to understand the essence of investing time in any cause that will neither produce money nor connections.
My rational mind is a one way path, with neither intersections nor crossroads leading to other paths
Personally, I fancy you
You're straight and sensible
Committed and focused,
"Loyalty and respect" is your motto
Plus you defintely do not look bad at all.
Your idea of what is fashionable is acceptable even amongst the most respectable people
And your sense of humor is from outer space.

A better understanding of those around you is what you seek
But you're yet to understand the functioning of my person;
Of the ideas invading my space.

I look at you daily through the eyes of my mind.
And my spirit whispers in hushed tones that you deserve only the best
My conscience warns me about messing  with your head and experimenting with your feelings.

I've told myself several times to stay away from you.
To keep a safe distance and be happy I have a friend in you
But my brain refuses to function properly.
It's made a pact with the other less thinking parts of my being;
And it has vehemently refused to go back to being the rational one.

At this point, I do not know if I'm only scared of hurting you
Or if I've become so accustomed to being strong that any sign of weakness scares the life out of me.

Told you to back off, you didn't;
Told you to stay away, you wouldn't
You're treating me better than I treat myself.
And accepting the parts of me I once desperately hated
If there are any two people capable of talking on telepathy, it's the both of us.
It's just creepy in a funny way how two seemingly overly serious people can talk endlessly on even the silliest topics.

You're oblivious to the fact that, I trust you with my life
I'm happiest in your presence
That's my idea of living the good life
But being vocal about it,  just isn't my way
I feel I'm not supposed to say all these, but I can't help but be truthful
I hope you get to read these lines someday.
So you'll realize the internal battles I fight because of your presence in my life.

                                • • •

If all this isn't love, then I have no idea what love is.

WRITTEN BY:
Ifeoma

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